


pour toi

by CatSquashLily



Category: Original Work
Genre: Angst, Death, Family, Grief/Mourning, i guess?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-12
Updated: 2020-09-12
Packaged: 2021-03-07 02:47:18
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 541
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26429608
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CatSquashLily/pseuds/CatSquashLily
Summary: I wrote this years ago after my grandfather's death. he was an italian immigrant who worked hard his whole life until he couldn't.I'm posting this on a whim. this isn't edited and it's not the best but Idk, I just feel like putting this work out into the world.





	pour toi

death has become true tonight. I felt it in my trembling legs and in the tears that burned their way down my cheek. before that, it was but a distant topic people brought up once in a while. I'd hear about it on tv or when a friend lost someone, but it was always distant in my eyes. always like a fable or a mythical being everyone spoke of in hushed tones, pitying the ones that fell victim to it in a way or another.  
and then you were gone. you were gone and you were cold. even when I learned of your departure, it still didn't feel real until I saw your body laying in front of the whole room, dressed in your best wear and not looking like yourself. you were ugly but you looked so much better than you did when I'd last seen you.

I was waiting for your chest to rise steadily or for your throat to move when you swallowed. you didn't look dead, you looked asleep. I dared not touch you, fearing it would make it real. I was waiting for the punchline of this horrible joke to finally come and hit me in the face, to wake me up, but it didn't, you were simply gone.  
I tried not to cry, but the tears still fell and my brother held me as they did.

being part of your immediate family, I stayed with your weeping wife and my stone faced father, proud man that he is, and we said our last goodbyes together as they closed the coffin you'd spend the rest of your eternity in. before it closed forever, we kissed your forehead and it felt like ice cold metal. it didn't have any warmth to it. it surprised me a lot more than I let on. I somehow thought the books were exaggerating when speaking of the dead. I didn't think warmth could be completely gone from someone and I was proven wrong the moment my lips touched your skin. at that moment, I swore I wouldn't mourn you but celebrate you. 

after that, they brought you up and  
the black priest had a tear carved in his cheek. he and the other one prayed the prayers I never learned while I stood, hands crossed over my black skirt, above my black shoes and below my great-grandmother's pearls.

I won't be there when they'll put you 6 feet under, but I'll watch the moon and the stars for you because you can't. I'll smile and laugh and cry because you can't. I'll live because you can't. I'll go to your village, in Italy, and I will walk the streets you've built, you, the worker. Work is what you did your whole life so now rest and sleep, someone else will work in your stead so you can rest easy, do not worry. we have each other we'll celebrate your memory. I will ask the ones who knew you better to lend me their memories so I can know of your life and I can tell them of your death for I was close and they weren't.

death has become real tonight but life is still true and I won't forget you.


End file.
